Over the weekend, Ben brewed some beer on the woodstove. I used the fierce wind outside to help me clean the last of our beans from 2011 – beautiful Charlevoix kidneys. (I poured the beans from one bowl into another and the wind whisked away all the dirt and husks.) We boiled down our first pint of this year’s maple syrup, (we hung a single tap in the front yard). We spent a good bit of time tackling various messes around the house and farm . . . all the tools need to be reorganized, the storage room is a frightening disaster, etc, etc . . . Thinking a lot about this quote, from Meditations on the Mat.
“As I write these words, my life is taken up with finishing this book, directing a large urban yoga studio, preparing to open an even larger studio in Boston, and looking for a new place to live. I feel inadequate to all these tasks, but I also know that God isn’t interested in my opinion of her works. I will continue to serve in my own inadequate fashion until God fires me, because what God is doing is more important than my neurotic fears and discomfort . . .” from Day 346
God isn’t interested in my opinion of her works. I need this reminder, constantly, it seems. I often feel inadequate to the tasks at hand – mothering, running multiple small businesses, farming, living with a small footprint, living peacefully. But I continue on, and even take on new tasks as I feel called. This month, a friend and I are making steps to form a mother’s circle in our small town – I don’t feel prepared to lead such a group, or feel that I have the time to do it, but I do feel certain that it is a gift I am obligated to offer up. And so I will continue to serve, inadequately, until I am fired.